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Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Moms who mortify us but make us Giggle

The day after I posted my last lo in the gallery I took some time away from the computer. When journaling such subjects I get emotional. After it's done mama needs a break.

Well that break came in the form or more purging. I weeded through my closet and drawers. While doing so I started throwing out some of my shorts. As a person of short stature what fits someone of normal height as shorts will be long on someone whose legs are on the miniture side. Because of that I've always had to hem or purchase daisy duke style shorts in order for them to look right otherwise they are like bermuda shorts on me. Not a good look when your legs are 4 inches long!

So it was during this short purge that a memory popped into my head. One of my mom and I shopping.  Most memories of my mom lend me to laughing. For as hard as our relationship was at times she did have a way of making me and those around her laugh.

now a little backstory..for those who don't know..I went to a private school, a school where they were a bit of well lets just say religious control freaks. 1980's and the code was still little house on the prairie clothing. My parents had rules, you wore what was appropriate at school, followed the rules there but at home the school did not dictate or set boundries

The setting was 198s0mething we are at the mall, shopping at Carson Pierre Scott. I was looking for shorts and my mom was at the beauty counter sniffing out perfume and looking for makeup. Nothing short of beautiful and always smelling good that's my mom. :) 


So here we are in the mall shopping for clothes because as luck would have it I finally grew after a couple years. Yay me! The school year was ending and shorts were on the agenda. Moms at the counter and who walks into the store but the Principle and his wife..Shock me! Shock me!
Well I had no love for either one so it wasn't like i was about to say word one to them. However I  did notice them because never ever in a million years would I have thought they would enter the dun dun dun...Mall!!!! It was a worldly place, i mean for goodness sake they sold dog collars for humans in that mall. Surely this could not be right.

Not gonna lie, I was probably starring with my mouth agape and muttering WTH's..or OMGS either way I was sealing my fate in hell for eternity. It was during that time that she (principles) wife took notice. It was also at that time that she noticed what I was holding. Several pair of daisy duke shorts..
In her head I'm sure she was thinking.. "ah ha! I'm going to slay her transgressions!!!"


No lie! That woman grabbed me by the arm, not a word was said by her as she dragged me over to my mom. Who again was at the beauty counter in 7th heaven enjoying all those wonderful aromas.
Then finally she says loudy.."Mrs. I, I want you to know what your daughter is doing. What she is attempting to buy, Are you aware of your daughter trying on these!!!!!" her scowly scowl face beaming with the excitement of thrashing the devilous spirit outta me by calling me out in front of well everyone in the freaking mall! She was doing a great job or so she thought.

Now my mom was one of those people who would calmly look at you while you threw a temper  tantrum, and let you rant rant rant until you were finish and satisfied in the belief that you had just won some arguement. It was then that she would lay out colorful words in a spectrum which is unheard of today by any stretch of the imagination. Hell you would probably even think you had really won, until you came back to your senses somewhere in the middle of the conversation when the words had rested their assult on  your brain. At which point 5 seconds would go by and she'd bitch slap you with even more words. She had a gift!

This time though my mom choose her words carefully and discreetly said "Shorts, short shorts, daisy duke shorts, she (meaning me) needs them for work. She strips to afford the outrageous tuition that your institution charges those of us who are not members of your congregation." Then very calmly took the clothing, handed them back to me and told me to make sure I got something "that looked real nice ;)" Turned around to the counter and continued talking to the sales girl, like nothing even happened. 

The principle and his wife were stunned, and just stood there like they were going to combust from talking to a heathen. I got the hell outta dodge kinda mortified beyond belief and feeling sick to my stomache . Now looking back on that day though it was actually a genius move on her part and makes me laugh to think about it.

Anyone else out there have a mother like mine?

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