Thursday, March 21, 2013

Pass or Fail, You still have to call me Mum.

My husband and I have 3 boys. I'm not going to get all braggy in this post about how wonderful they are, even though they are 3 of the Most Fantastic Kids Ever. Did I mention they are all boys, yep that's right the Boys are Beyond Fantastic, crazy right. You hear it all the time raising boys.."oh poor thing she has boys" but really I as they're mom never understood that, because they are the best. Oh sure they've had their moments, stuffing toys in the toilets, cotton balls down the sink drain, blowing up microwaves, throwing fire balls in my kitchen and damn near burning down the house with their father in tow, coloring on my walls, tossing the little one around like a rag doll in the name of ring around the rosy and producing a rosy bloody mess on his face and scar the size of Texas. Luckily though they grew out of that and those moments were few and far between. Now they and 10 of their closest friends just wake me up at 2:30 am to make them spaghetti. ;) Still they are my boys and I love reflecting even on those moments. Truth be told those moments make me giggle at the ridiculousness of it all. Those moments are why I don't mind the 2:30 am wake up calls. Because I know that these moments are ending soon. Our boys are 21, 19 and 17. Time flies and I don't want to take any of these moments for granted, no matter how foolish insane those moments are. Because I'm their Mum.

I told you all of that to deflect the failures I have as a mom imposed on these 3 boys. Specifically for this post, the recent failures and past failure imposed on the 3rd child. I'd love to use the excuse that this happened just because these kids have worn me out. I'd love to say that they just caused me so much exhaustion and I was basically a single parent raising them. I'm a military mom, their dad was out protecting their country. I'm exhausted but that's not what caused the failure. It was lack of experience or lack of thinking things through, because when you have 3 boys so close in age or maybe just having 3 boys is enough of an excuse and there just isn't enough coffee to help your brain cells engage. Being a mom is tough and being the mom of 3 boys is even tougher. Some of us just barely wiggle through the flaming 3 ring circus they produce.

Hopefully by now you have enough sympathy to understand, so lets get to it. Wait no lets get a little back story shall we.

My husband is now retired military, has a new job but keeps us moving year to year. In the last 3 years the kids and I have moved 3 times and have 1 more to go in the next few months. Right now as our house is being built we are living with my dad in a place so remote there isn't even a McDonald's. Even that clown knows living here is for the birds.

The first of my failures with this last move happened once we arrived to the planet unknown. That's another story I'll share later but not today. A couple days after we arrived I had to set the youngest one up for school. Not a big deal especially if you are super organized and have all the paperwork filled out ahead of time. Not a big deal if you have all that paper work in a file marked with the child's name and it says "school paper work". Not a big deal if that file is in a bin in your car because that's where it needed to be. Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezy!

I should have left the Lemon Squeezy off that statement because Lemons are bad. You ever hear the phrase "that car is a Lemon", in that context it's not a compliment to the car. That Lemon Squeezy for me was when I tipped the file bin end over end and it spilled all the contents around the back of my car. In my haste I filed quickly and as best as possible. I thought I had this until we got to the school.

At the school, we sat in the car, my little boy and I. Joking, the banter flying across the seats as usual, him trying to get out of one more day of school, me looking through the file bin and telling him there was no way in hades he was staying home. ;) After 5 mins of looking and trying to convince him I had it under control "PANIC" struck so hard it was on my face. By then I was frantically looking for this paperwork, his paper work. Everything but the school admission forms and his transcripts were in there. I couldn't find them at all. My heart was racing at the thought of having to take him back home. just kidding. I really did lose the paper work but don't mind him coming home with me. I love that kid.

When he realized I was in panic mode he very calmly said "Really Mom, you lost my file." When he realized every other file was in order he just shook his head in disgust and said. "I really am the 3rd child."

It was then that I thought have I really Failed so bad that my child really thinks he drew the short stick because of his birth order? Surely there have been worse moments for him to feel that way. Maybe, in retrospect that was not the right reaction or thought to have but it did cross my mind. Of course I laughed and told him that it was OK we would just fill out more and hope the previous school sent the transcripts already. He was still disgusted but laughed. Luckily he gets that trait from me.

We walked in, filled in new paper work, a cute girl saved me from humiliation as she gave him a tour of the school. He wasn't able to let the admin know I lost the paper work. :) Thank Heavens for little girls. I should probably take her a pizza.

Crisis averted.

Failure 2 in 3 weeks time, but one that has ran the course of the 3rd child's lifetime, was pointed out to me yesterday on the drive home from picking up our glasses and contacts.

It was on this trip home that we were discussing all kinds of things. I love riding in the car with just one child at a time, just as much as all 3. More so maybe because the conversation is more direct. It was on this trip that we discussed how 3D images are made, knowing how to get from A to B and the importance of knowing what direction you travel to get somewhere. (another story, another day) Girls, Girls, they are weird here and try to hug him all the time or high five him even though he has to bend down to hit their tiny little hands. Then the topic of moles came up.

Dun dun duuun!!
All of my children have moles. It's pretty common but as an adult you know to check your moles hopefully and have them looked at. I've always kept an eye on my kids moles, but only one of my children has had their mole removed. Why??? I don't know. Looking back it was just a dumb parenting mistake but one that has cost me yet another gold coin in the Parenting Olympics.

At the discussion of moles I asked him how his looked. He said the same. He usually gets pissed when I start heading his way with the magnifying glass pointed in the direction of his belly button. The mole is not in his belly button but in that general direction. It was at this point he asked again what the big deal was. So what if it changes color, or gets bigger?? It was at this point I realized all this time I had never told him that these things could have cancerous cells and if they change need to be removed and biopsied. I never even thought to explain it.

It was at this point that he looked at me in disbelief and stuck that big fat red F on my forehead. It was then that I thought.. Why in the hell have we never removed them in the first place. How freakin' stupid is it that we let those things remain on our children without a thought to have them removed. I knew without a doubt that red letter of failure was very well deserved.

It was at that moment that my son realized he had definitely not hit the parent lottery.

What exactly was the point of leaving that one little mole on my child. It may not ever change, it may not have a cancerous cell in it, but what if it does? What if that little mole I kissed when he was child ends up being cancerous down the road. How stupid is it to leave on him, knowing that when he is an adult more than likely it would have to be removed anyway. Oh to go back 21 years ago. I would have had them all removed.

So when we get to our new home the first thing I will do is set up the appointment to have these beasts removed from my precious children. Hopefully, my children can learn from the mistakes of their mother.

So Mijo if you are reading this, know that I never meant you harm and that as a parent I did the best with what I had. Perhaps if you and your brothers had been a little more behaved and  perfect children I would have had better brain cells to rely on when making the decisions of the past. ;)

Really, though I am sorry and I wish with all my heart I had been able to have that epiphany when you were much younger.

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