Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Racism and discrimination is alive and well

racism and discrimination is alive and well.

I wasn't going to post this but have decided to do so anyway.

After taking my youngest to the emergency room I had to swing by and pick up his medical records from the clinic. His friends mom works there and she is who I spoke with. She asked how my son was doing because she knew he went to the hospital, it was on their doctors recommendation that we go.

Anyway, in talking to her while waiting for the file, we got to talking about GPS systems. It was at this point that she mentioned the time she was lost in KC. How she ended up in the "darkest, blackest place in KC". She must have seen the look on my face because she quickly mentioned "I'm not a racist blah blah blah I grew up in TN".

In my head I'm thinking "ok lady you convinced me". rolls eyes.

Next she asked about the soccer team (the coach desperately wants my son to play, his foot work is awesome) and how the next game was in some town, can't remember the name but that it's the Mexican area. "nothing against them but it's that kind of area, you know". "but their really good at soccer."

Ok lady that's strike two and you definitely aren't a racist though cuz you grew up in Tn.

Then in an effort to redeem herself she says, "I don't care about the blacks or the Mexicans people are people, but the gays. I don't like them because they aren't right. "

Ok I'd had enough! I said you know my oldest son is gay, my uncle is gay, my cousin is a lesbian, I have a friend who is a total tranny, and several friends who pick your alpha. There is nothing wrong with them.

She got a call I was going to totally walk out and not further jump down her throat, but she was too stupid to grab onto that opportunity. So she put them on hold and said. "oh yeah, it took some adjustment didn't it with your son".

Now why in the hell would it take adjusting. I told her there was no adjustment because there is nothing wrong with him. Like, did she even hear my previous statement.

Again she says "but when he told you he was gay, that's just not right. Didn't you tell him, and how long did it take to accept him."

Omg! my head was spinning and I wanted so bad to knock some down home sense in her. I just said "You know I don't fear you because you are a racist, and you are, it doesn't take much for me to adjust to being around people like you. That's tough, there is something wrong with you. My son, my race, my ethnicity there's nothing wrong with that."

And I walked out. I'm going to change the local doctor for Zeke and let the St. Mary's hospital know this is why.

Racist beware we are many, some of us are darker than others and you never know who you are speaking to. Gay haters beware because you never know whose mother you are talking to. I can take a lot, but when you start looking down on my kids or loved ones I'm like a viper and my words become venomous.

If you were faced with this kind of situation what would you do? I still haven't even addressed it with the youngest but I will definitely let him know. Because if ever in a situation with these people I want him to know what to expect.

Monday, March 25, 2013

It's tough having your creative spirit displaced

Have I mentioned we are displaced right now? We are fortunate to have my Dad who is letting us stay with him until our new home is built. Words can not describe how thankful we are to be so fortunate.

There are upsides and downsides to moving so frequently. Upsides include meeting new people, moving to new parts of the country and being able to explore those parts, and finding a new home there is a certain rush that can be felt in all of that. There are more benefits but you can figure those out and don't need me for that. The downside is the hassles of selling a home, packing up, finding new schools for your kids, the hassles of finding a new home and if you build which we are doing finding a place to live in the meantime if your house sold prior to the new build being finished and ours did.

Being able to live with my Dad is a benefit, but still it's a hassle. Not in the sense of living with him but more on the front that it's not my house. I'm living in someone elses house and have to get used to the way things are set up here. In my old house I had my own office space. I could just walk in there and create. Here I am working on the couch in the living room and can't spread out. There I had my Cintiq to work on, here it doesn't exist because it's packed up in a warehouse somewhere. Things are different. Everything is different and I feel displaced.

Until recently I didn't have interent service because well my Dad lives in the country. He's so far removed from civilization that I'm suprised he has running water. lol jk it's not really that bad, but for a girl like me it' seems so. He, the phone company and I got it set up so we can finally access the internet from the house. It's really slow compared to what we had but it works at least. Prior I had to run up to Mc Donalds which is 25 miles away in the next town over. You read that right 25 miles one way. So I'm thankful that internet here is even working, even if on the slow side.
I'm thankful to the designers who have been so patient with me and understood this process, sometimes more than I did. Sometimes I can be so optomistic that I fail to understand there are times when things just won't work out the way intended. It's all a possibility and there is no failure when I look at the list of "Get er dones".

Displaced or not I'm back to creating. A mouse, a laptop, an external hd, pscs, and fantastic designers and friends on the webernets who have stuck by. Thank you all. :)

Here's my latest two creations from the  Méliès-ish kit by Tumble Fish Studio available at Deviant Scrap (the kit is linked to the store)


On a personal note, I'm so stoked about this kit for a few reasons, it was a little secret between the designer and I.  Do you know how hard it is to hold a secret in for so long? not gonna lie it was hard man, real Hard! I love the Smashing Pumpkins video and the movie Hugo and this kit is so much better than I ever anticipated.

Marsha you knocked it outta the park!

Here is a little taste of what can be created using the kit. Images are linked to the Deviant Scrap gallery.


Created using:

background papers (2), clouds, mountains, water, star, falling star, woman on moon from Melie-ish Kit by Tumble Fish Studio @ Deviant Scrap

scrunched up scanned tissue for cloud overlay

I love this kit, it's fantastically created and lends itself to many a creation. Thank you so much Marsha for the wonderful kit. If you think these images are great wait till you see the flying rockets.

Originally I was going to call this "Angels don't sleep while the earth weeps". But shortened it to "make love not war".

Hope you enjoy!

created using:

backgrounds, moon face, globe, clouds, frame, female body, female head, war head, wings, blue ball for overlay on wings, all from Melies-ish Kit by Tumble Fish Studio @ Deviant Scrap

wa, sparkles, background wa, smoke, crown (I love this crown) from I'm With the Band Collab from Deviant Scrap Designers @ Deviant Scrap

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Growing some balls

At the ripe age of 42 I've decided to grow some balls where the question - "You think you're better than me now?" goes. It's been a slow and painful process at times, but one I'm just now realizing is necessary. Not to allow others to walk all over my emotions and person. My only regret in this is not realizing sooner that this a problem they have, and it's not something I should feel bad about.

Twenty two years ago I married the love of my life, we eloped. No big wedding, no honeymoon. Just us and 2 of his friends. There are no regrets, I didn't really feel the wedding plans were for us but for everyone else anyway. When you are an introvert you don't really care to have a lot of people in the same room with you. One on one, a small affair but certainly not Gypsy Wedding affairs. Running off and getting hitched seemed like a much better option to me, so we did.

Not only did I run off and get hitched I ran even farther soon after and moved out with this guy to the outer barriers of our country. That might have been a mistake because we lived with his friends and OMG never do that. lol It worked out in the end and we did get our own place but OMG never move in with another family. EVER! I could tell you all stories that would make your heads spin. People were all up in our business and causing chaos and further we had a naked guy almost leap into bed with us because he was drunk out of his mind and that is not even the worst part of that story.

After being gone for quite a while I went back home to visit or stay or something. My husband was at sea and I had a tough pregnancy, so instead of staying with crazy people I went home to my momma. Everything was ok and fine and I loved spending time at home with her and certain members of my family, but - there is always a but right.

It was upon this visit that a certain family member made the comment "So now you think you're better than me/us?" It hit me hard. First that's not something I have ever thought. I wasn't raised that way. In no way am I better than anyone else. I felt horrible, and tried to apologize, not knowing what to say but hurting knowing that whatever it was I did hurt them. What do you do in a moment like that?

Over the years it's been said and there have been times that it's just mind boggling to even conceive that someone would revert to that phrase about me or my family.

Last week someone said it again. Not to me but about someone else. It struck me again in the pit of my stomach like a leaded brick. Later in the day I realized, this is not my issue it's theirs. It also struck me that these same people are only seeking to bring the other person down.

You see from my perspective it's not that you or I have acted "like we are better". No, instead what is happening is they are saying we don't deserve better. Why is that? Why is it that if we work hard to achieve things in life, goals, have nice things, or take care of what we have we don't deserve it in their minds. That's what it boils down to isn't it?

So from now on I'm going to ask these people "Why? Why do you not think I deserve something better? Why are you judging me?" I'm taking the bull by the horns and letting them know under no circumstance are they allowed to tromp around on my happiness.

Have you struggled with something or someone like this? How do you handle it?

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Pass or Fail, You still have to call me Mum.

My husband and I have 3 boys. I'm not going to get all braggy in this post about how wonderful they are, even though they are 3 of the Most Fantastic Kids Ever. Did I mention they are all boys, yep that's right the Boys are Beyond Fantastic, crazy right. You hear it all the time raising boys.."oh poor thing she has boys" but really I as they're mom never understood that, because they are the best. Oh sure they've had their moments, stuffing toys in the toilets, cotton balls down the sink drain, blowing up microwaves, throwing fire balls in my kitchen and damn near burning down the house with their father in tow, coloring on my walls, tossing the little one around like a rag doll in the name of ring around the rosy and producing a rosy bloody mess on his face and scar the size of Texas. Luckily though they grew out of that and those moments were few and far between. Now they and 10 of their closest friends just wake me up at 2:30 am to make them spaghetti. ;) Still they are my boys and I love reflecting even on those moments. Truth be told those moments make me giggle at the ridiculousness of it all. Those moments are why I don't mind the 2:30 am wake up calls. Because I know that these moments are ending soon. Our boys are 21, 19 and 17. Time flies and I don't want to take any of these moments for granted, no matter how foolish insane those moments are. Because I'm their Mum.

I told you all of that to deflect the failures I have as a mom imposed on these 3 boys. Specifically for this post, the recent failures and past failure imposed on the 3rd child. I'd love to use the excuse that this happened just because these kids have worn me out. I'd love to say that they just caused me so much exhaustion and I was basically a single parent raising them. I'm a military mom, their dad was out protecting their country. I'm exhausted but that's not what caused the failure. It was lack of experience or lack of thinking things through, because when you have 3 boys so close in age or maybe just having 3 boys is enough of an excuse and there just isn't enough coffee to help your brain cells engage. Being a mom is tough and being the mom of 3 boys is even tougher. Some of us just barely wiggle through the flaming 3 ring circus they produce.

Hopefully by now you have enough sympathy to understand, so lets get to it. Wait no lets get a little back story shall we.

My husband is now retired military, has a new job but keeps us moving year to year. In the last 3 years the kids and I have moved 3 times and have 1 more to go in the next few months. Right now as our house is being built we are living with my dad in a place so remote there isn't even a McDonald's. Even that clown knows living here is for the birds.

The first of my failures with this last move happened once we arrived to the planet unknown. That's another story I'll share later but not today. A couple days after we arrived I had to set the youngest one up for school. Not a big deal especially if you are super organized and have all the paperwork filled out ahead of time. Not a big deal if you have all that paper work in a file marked with the child's name and it says "school paper work". Not a big deal if that file is in a bin in your car because that's where it needed to be. Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezy!

I should have left the Lemon Squeezy off that statement because Lemons are bad. You ever hear the phrase "that car is a Lemon", in that context it's not a compliment to the car. That Lemon Squeezy for me was when I tipped the file bin end over end and it spilled all the contents around the back of my car. In my haste I filed quickly and as best as possible. I thought I had this until we got to the school.

At the school, we sat in the car, my little boy and I. Joking, the banter flying across the seats as usual, him trying to get out of one more day of school, me looking through the file bin and telling him there was no way in hades he was staying home. ;) After 5 mins of looking and trying to convince him I had it under control "PANIC" struck so hard it was on my face. By then I was frantically looking for this paperwork, his paper work. Everything but the school admission forms and his transcripts were in there. I couldn't find them at all. My heart was racing at the thought of having to take him back home. just kidding. I really did lose the paper work but don't mind him coming home with me. I love that kid.

When he realized I was in panic mode he very calmly said "Really Mom, you lost my file." When he realized every other file was in order he just shook his head in disgust and said. "I really am the 3rd child."

It was then that I thought have I really Failed so bad that my child really thinks he drew the short stick because of his birth order? Surely there have been worse moments for him to feel that way. Maybe, in retrospect that was not the right reaction or thought to have but it did cross my mind. Of course I laughed and told him that it was OK we would just fill out more and hope the previous school sent the transcripts already. He was still disgusted but laughed. Luckily he gets that trait from me.

We walked in, filled in new paper work, a cute girl saved me from humiliation as she gave him a tour of the school. He wasn't able to let the admin know I lost the paper work. :) Thank Heavens for little girls. I should probably take her a pizza.

Crisis averted.

Failure 2 in 3 weeks time, but one that has ran the course of the 3rd child's lifetime, was pointed out to me yesterday on the drive home from picking up our glasses and contacts.

It was on this trip home that we were discussing all kinds of things. I love riding in the car with just one child at a time, just as much as all 3. More so maybe because the conversation is more direct. It was on this trip that we discussed how 3D images are made, knowing how to get from A to B and the importance of knowing what direction you travel to get somewhere. (another story, another day) Girls, Girls, they are weird here and try to hug him all the time or high five him even though he has to bend down to hit their tiny little hands. Then the topic of moles came up.

Dun dun duuun!!
All of my children have moles. It's pretty common but as an adult you know to check your moles hopefully and have them looked at. I've always kept an eye on my kids moles, but only one of my children has had their mole removed. Why??? I don't know. Looking back it was just a dumb parenting mistake but one that has cost me yet another gold coin in the Parenting Olympics.

At the discussion of moles I asked him how his looked. He said the same. He usually gets pissed when I start heading his way with the magnifying glass pointed in the direction of his belly button. The mole is not in his belly button but in that general direction. It was at this point he asked again what the big deal was. So what if it changes color, or gets bigger?? It was at this point I realized all this time I had never told him that these things could have cancerous cells and if they change need to be removed and biopsied. I never even thought to explain it.

It was at this point that he looked at me in disbelief and stuck that big fat red F on my forehead. It was then that I thought.. Why in the hell have we never removed them in the first place. How freakin' stupid is it that we let those things remain on our children without a thought to have them removed. I knew without a doubt that red letter of failure was very well deserved.

It was at that moment that my son realized he had definitely not hit the parent lottery.

What exactly was the point of leaving that one little mole on my child. It may not ever change, it may not have a cancerous cell in it, but what if it does? What if that little mole I kissed when he was child ends up being cancerous down the road. How stupid is it to leave on him, knowing that when he is an adult more than likely it would have to be removed anyway. Oh to go back 21 years ago. I would have had them all removed.

So when we get to our new home the first thing I will do is set up the appointment to have these beasts removed from my precious children. Hopefully, my children can learn from the mistakes of their mother.

So Mijo if you are reading this, know that I never meant you harm and that as a parent I did the best with what I had. Perhaps if you and your brothers had been a little more behaved and  perfect children I would have had better brain cells to rely on when making the decisions of the past. ;)

Really, though I am sorry and I wish with all my heart I had been able to have that epiphany when you were much younger.